ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
