It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
