I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
