I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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