Plan B is the new Plan A
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
