Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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