I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
