I accidentally burped into my bong.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm sobbing to NWA
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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