please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
