I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
