he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
