one two three fourrrrnication!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I wear drunk well.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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