Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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