Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
