Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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