Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
