just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
