Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
All I want is dick and wine.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
