I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
