Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My dick has a subreddit
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
