Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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