when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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