just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
