Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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