Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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