My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
