Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
