if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I need a burrito and a hug.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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