I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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