Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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