I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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