Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
