Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
