I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
