I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize