Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Pants are for mortals
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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