Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
