You smell like stripper and shame
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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