a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
