SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
