oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
