she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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