Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
