I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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