I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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