perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
