Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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