Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
