you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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