i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
