I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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