Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
