my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
