so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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