Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He kissed a someone with a penis
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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