Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
