I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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