i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize