I want to have your abortion
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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