He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
