HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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