I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
