I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
how does that bad decision feel?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
