I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
