You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
