if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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