Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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