Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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