I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize