Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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