He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
they need to just BURY HIM!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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