dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
