can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
