I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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