Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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