Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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